Well whatever it may be called, but I for sure am one of his aides and I practice this craft way too much nowadays. There is a particular thing at which I’m currently being lazy and that is …….exercise.
To be fair with myself, I’d admit there was a time when I would surprise myself with the way I transformed my body into what I never had imagined would look. The complete credit goes to my passionate and diligent workout schedules as well as being careful of what I ate. Losing 10 kgs in two months was spectacular!
I loved the way my body showed me the well known ‘thigh gap’ and the taut tummy- almost like a surfboard, along with the mesmerizing concavities on my sides, causing every skin fit dress to hug my delicious curves into an hour glass figure. I loved every second if it! I was ecstatic, looking at the results that I had created all by myself without going to a gym. I made it a point to follow the routines like a ritual everyday.
Nobody had to push me to do it. I used to wake up at 5:30 am to go for a run and come back to continue with my full body workout on the mat. I enjoyed the adrenaline-rush and relished the new found flexibility and strength in my body.
Then one day I had to stop due to some kind of job related travel to a far off place, for a few weeks. My daily routine was such that I could not manage to make time for any kind of workout. I was under the impression that suddenly my body is going to go back to its old self. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Inspite of not exercising, I was losing more weight and growing thinner. Once I was back home, my family and friends noticed the drastic change and were understandably worried about my health. The cute, plump face had sunken in with slight concavitites into my cheeks. I tried my best to convince myself that I was only better now. But I knew that I was lying to myself.
Well, I stopped working out as I noticed that my body went into some kind of auto-pilot mode, still digesting away all the fat and everthing else from my body. To be honest I didn’t look bad, but I knew that I looked better before the travels. To combat the loss of meat, I concentrated more on my diet, eating more frequently but still balanced and nutritious. But it took a long time for me to start gaining weight, something that was never a problem before.
After a while, my body looked better and I felt better too, but my sunken cheeks were visibly still there. I hated when people commented over it. There’s always something to comment about, isn’t it? Either you’re fat or on the ‘healthier’ side, or you’re too skinny. This was also a time when I learned how important people’s opinions were- they were not! Because there’s always going to be a sea of opinions. So whose matters the most? The answer- mine!
Coming back to now, I still see that my body retains the auto pilot mechanism whenever I try to exercise once in a while, which has led to me being scared of losing the fuller cheeks that I have now. My body weight is stable at the moment, but I guess I’m scared of working out because of what happened before. This has caused me to avoid exercise completely for 3 months now and that’s why getting up for those morning runs, that I loved so much, has become almost impossible. On days when I miraculously did get up and go for the run, I did it inconsistently, skipping it for days together, followed by an irregular and much too lethargic episode, once a week, thus incredibly disappointing myself. (I’m also a person who puts a lot of high expectations on myself, quite frequently, so……..)
It’s as if my mind and body are in retaliation. I tell myself everyday that I’ll wake up at 6 am and do only a short run of 3 km (you know…baby steps and all), but intead I wake up only to switch my alarm off and go to sleep. You wouldn’t believe that I have put 3 alarms, but I wake up before it even rings, and switch all the alarms off myself and go to sleep! Who does that? I basically wake up before my alarm to shut the alarms! Arrrrrrghggh!
I’ve become a lazy bum as I’m also unemployed at the moment. But I really want to start my new job with a fresh state of mind as well as a fit body. I don’t want to carry a weak mind that cannot stick to its own promises or a body that’s getting used to a sedentary lifestyle.
So today, to combat that I told myself, “Listen dear, you tried your best tricks and for some reason your body isn’t co-ordinating with your mind, so intead of wanting things a certain way, let’s be flexible. Why do you need to get up in the morning only for a workout to be possible? And why do you have to run as if it’s the only way? A better way to start would be to do it when you feel like it. Mid-morning, late-afternoon or evenings are times when you’re not full with food. So do it whenever you can, instead of waiting for the perfect timing, state of mind, motivation or the withdrawal of the body-mind non cooperation movement (I know its because of the fear of losing too much weight again!)”
Guess what, after this pep talk to myself, I actually did get some exercises done in the afternoon for 30 mins and felt so good! It was invigorating to say the least, to feel the rapid beats of my heart and blood pumping in my vessels. So I definitely plan to go on with this haphazard routine for now, till I get a tune that my body and mind can dance to in synergy.
I went from doing nothing to overdoing, and back to nothing. I guess I’m looking for the right balance yet again! I will surely update when I find it. Until then…….